I did something really silly. I chose to sit in the car and wait for my mom instead of going down with her to the book fair. The weather was sweltering so you can only imagine the heat building up in the car. It was so hot that i contemplated fanning myself with my skirt but i decided against it in case some kids pass by and the sight of white thunder thighs scar them for life.

I get so irritated when i'm hot....but it's all good now cos i'm sitting under the aircon and blasting cold air at myself. After reading Celene's blog, I wish i had a bath tub to take a bubble bath in...really need to soak myself and get rid of all the sweat and dirt.

Anyway, the past week has been extremely fun. I've had some serious pampering! But the fun is not gonna end just yet cos my sister is coming back this saturday. I'm really looking forward to that. Finally...someone's gonna divert my parent's attention away from me. Hmm...maybe i can drop my holiday idea on her =) I've got a couple of places i'd like to visit. Maybe backpacking in italy....that sounds exciting.

now that it's over

there's so much to blog about. But I just settled my accomodation, I'm dead tired and I wanna sleep.

But i have to tell you guys....I had the best weekend ever. =)

Gay!

I managed to catch Summer storm yesterday. I absolutely love love love the show. I love the way the lead character discovers his sexuality and finally has the courage to own up to the truth. Not the mention, the settings were gorgeous and many of scenes were bloody sexy.

some scenes from the movie:












Anyway, I haven't been shopping much nowadays because I keep reminding myself that the stuff I buy here will be useless when I go overseas. Plus, I wanna go on a shopping spree over there cos the variety and the fashion is just to die for. Topshop over there is like 3-5 levels! Unfortunately, I couldn't control my itchy fingers today so I decided to drop by a factory outlet. The stuff there is really dirt cheap! I managed to get my hands on stuff from Jill stuart, stussy, abercrombie, hollister and i paid less than $100 in total. Really happy with my purchase. *beam*

That was then, this is now

feeling slightly sad right now, but at this point, sadness doesn't mean shit. SO, i shall stop throwing pity parties for myself and get on with life.

But, before I do, I have to mention that in the past 2 hours, I have thought more about my past than in the past 5 months. More specifically, I have been thinking of friends, classmates, crushes and people I have lost touch with or purposely not kept in contact with.

I don't regret any of my actions because if i look at my life as a whole, I'm really happy and contented. But, even though i have no regrets, i cannot help but wonder what my life would be like if i had taken another path.

what if i had chose to remain single?
what if i had gotten together another guy?
.
.
what if I didn't lose interest in softball?
.
what if i had gone to another class....6A/6E/6F?
.
.
.

lots of what ifs.

I don't like wondering about other possibilities once I have chosen my path. I think it's a waste of time. But maybe I'll make an exception just for now, because i don't wanna be me tonight.

**********

Ok, now to get on with my life. I hereby announce that I am addicted to swimming! (J'aime la natation. Is that right?) haha, never thought you'd hear me say that huh? I say I am means I am la! And in the near future, I'm gonna be addicted to baking, cooking, ironing, cleaning, driving...etc. All those lovely life-long skills that i can take with me to the uk.

captain cook

I made spaghetti carbonara last night! It tasted a little bland, and slightly too creamy, but i thought it was a pretty good effort. Amy's mom kept flashing my poor pasta looks of disapproval. haha... oh well.

I'm loving the weather today. Dark, gloomy and rainy. Maybe I'll start hating such days and crave for bright sunny days when I'm in London.

Lucky charms

I'm feeling recharged and energetic now (though i don't know how long that will last).

I've been feeling really grumpy as of late. I feel quite bad for treating amy like a punching bag. I shall stop being a bitch and show people that i'm capable of love.

ah, anyway, he's coming over with a caramel frappucino *huge piggish grin*. Feeling pretty excited to see him although i just saw him about 2 hours ago.

reasons why I'm grumpy:

-lse hasn't sent me a letter
-I can't settle my accomodation without my letter
-I like lounging around at home and i feel grumpy when i'm forced to do otherwise
- i say stuff i don't mean when i'm grumpy and i have too much pride to say sorry. So that aggravates the grumpy problem even more
- i'm just pms-ing like crap.

i can't think of anymore reasons other than those i stated above.

Moving on, i had a really queer dream last night. I can't really remember the entire dream, but i dreamt that sabby was embarking on some voyage. I remember hugging her before she left, a nice big hug and she started licking my face! Subsequently, she started licking ziwei's face too! oh, and i do remember this small kid chasing me around and i was dead scared cos I thought he was a leprechaun.

This is my second dream about leprechauns. Gawd, i just hate them. Freaky little things.

just to prove my point:

My eye is sick

I really feel like rubbing my eye right now but i'm scared it will cause bleeding. My sty has burst and my eye is a whole lot better but it doesnt feel right yet. Just last night, I was bending over the sink, washing my face, when i saw blood in the sink. I thought my nose was bleeding, but no, it was my eye. I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Yes, so i don't want to rub my eye even though it's itching like hell now.

Anyway, was supposed to go out with qing and jin today but i'm way too exhausted. Mentally and physically. I have not been having my usual 10 hours of sleep, neither have I been enjoyng myself as much as I used to. I still play as hard, but somehow, the enjoyment doesn't seem half as much. Maybe I should play doubly hard to make up for the lack of enjoyment...provided my wallet permits me to do so.

hmm...I have too many things weighing my heart and mind down. Maybe I should take a hiatus. Maybe I should take up liz's offer and go to thailand with her. Right now, I would love to be in thailand sipping cold coconut milk under the shade of a palm tree, or braiding my hair on patong beach or feasting on phat thai and curry. My life is good and I'm not complaining. I just need a break from singapore and my life for the past 5 months.

This is what I'm talking about:

I want to have my cake and eat it

Just had a nice suprise visit from amy. He was nice enough to bring over a cup of sinfully sweet caramel coffee and crunchie cones. I love it when he makes late night suprise visits, especially so when food is involved. It ends my day with a bang and I go to sleep feeling loved.

Too bad today wasn't one of those days. Yes, he came. Yes, I had food. But it was a serious and dull visit. There wasn't any bursts of laughter or love, it was just a dull and an uncomfortable visit. The conversation was superficial, laughter was forced, and the goodbye was a bitter.

I really don't know what to do or say anymore. I pray that someday I'll have the clarity of thought and the ability not to hurt the people I love. Because right now, I really do not know what I want. Or rather, I want everything. I want to have my cake and eat it.

How can I claim to love someone and not be able to make sacrifices? How can I be so selfish and not see that I'm hurting him? Maybe I just don't know how to love at all. I know love needs committment. And i'm seriously lacking in that department.

But I'm learning. I'm learning to love myself less and others more. I'm learning how to get vicarious pleasure. I just hope I'm learning fast enough, before it's too late.

I've got a gigantic sty in my right eye. It's so swollen and it hurts to blink. urgh.

Days seem to be passing by so slowly.

talk to me

I know I keep talking about LSE...but I'm just really confused about the offer they gave me.

AAA, including mathematics and a pass in the 4th A-level subject, from my January 2005 examinations.

huh? excuse me? I didn't take any exam in 2005? is this a mistake? or is that the official term used for the A-levels I took in 2004? Urgh....whatever. I'm just gonna confirm it.

going off for dinner now...hopefully it'll end early enough for me to meet clara and ziwei.