interesting fact: I can't study for more than 8 hours in a day. Not a minute more than 8 hours. It doesn't even have to be 8 consecutive hours, as longs as i put in 8 hours of work throughout the course of the day. 8 hours 8 hours 8 hours. 8 - lucky number. i only discovered this recently because prior to this week, i never studied for that long.

was not productive today at all. shit. i only managed to finish my marcro mock exam (which i've just been informed doesn't need to be handed in. double shit) and do a math paper (it's damn fucking difficult. triple quadruple pentuple hextuple shit)

first day of school was spent mugging my ass off in the library. Even though i didn't manage to cover everything i set out to do, I'm really proud of myself. I'm actually capable of sitting in the same seat for hours. who knew?

I pilfered awaysome time to daydream about my boyfriend, RAN, italy, friends, and summer. I think my daydream about summer has been completely used and sucked dry but I can't stop thinking about it. ah, can't wait can't wait.

ok. now that my moisturizer's been absorbed, I'm gonna crawl into bed. Tomorrow's another day of studying. goodnight!

both reading lamps in my room have blown, so i've been reading my notes in darkness for the past few hours.

Well, highlight of the day was trying to cook salmon teriyaki. Michelle makes fabulous salmon in the microwave, so i tried to replicate it. After 20 minutes, all i had to show for it were broken bits of salmon that tasted sourish and a sink that smelled like fish (don't ask).

what better way to break the exam stress than to go out with your favourite gal pals to a nice dinner? We had korean tonight and it was amazing! We ordered bibimbap, da po ki, bbq beef, dumplings, kimchi pancake and a giant hot pot filled with sausages, noodles, pork and veggie. Needless to say I am bursting at the seams, but it's so worth it. I don't think I've ever tasted such nice korean food even though i've been to Korea.

Honestly speaking, I've not been that miserable during this exam period. Considering that I almost had a nervous breakdown during o levels and cried buckets during A levels, studying so far has been a breeze. But i think this means I haven't been studying hard enough. 3 more weeks to exam, I have to jia you!

i am a sucker for such things.

Rules:
1. Bold the following words that are true about you.
2. ITALISE the things you wish were true.
3. Add one thing true about you4. And then tag one, two, three,four, FIVE more people.

• I miss somebody right now. (how can i not when i'm so far away from home)
  
• I don’t watch TV these days. (i used to be a tv junkie)
  
• I own lots of books. (i swear i'll read them this summer)
  
• I wear glasses or contact lens.
• I love to play video games. ( i was hooked to 'tarzan' once)
  
• I’ve tried marijuana.
• I’ve been in a threesome. ( bring it on)
  
• I’ve been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (man, i'd love to be a stalker. i've got the sunglasses and cap. all i need is a victim)
• I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (hell no!)
  
• I curse sometimes. (i have to reach a quota everyday.)
• I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (maybe.)
• I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (this is a warning to all you criminals out there! stay away)
  
• I’m TOTALLY smart. (i have my moments)
  
• I’ve broken someone’s bones. (are teeth counted?)
  
• I’m paranoid sometimes.
• I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free. (i would still go even if it wasn't)
  
• I need money right now. (yes, something awful has happened)
  
• I love sushi.
• I talk really, really fast/unclear.
• I have long hair.
• I have lost money in Las Vegas. (one day...)
  
• I have at least one sibling.
• I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
• I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
• I like the way I look.
• I am usually pessimistic.
• I have a lot of mood swings. ( when i PMS) (i have permanant pms)
  
• I have a hidden talent. (or at least i'd like to think it's a talent)
• I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
• I have alot of friends.
• I am currently single.
• I have pecked someone of the same sex. ( =))
  
• I enjoy talking on the phone. (i hate talking on the phone. it makes my ear itch)
  
• I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (i'll spirel down to the land of the obese if i did this)
  
• I love to shop.
• I enjoy window-shopping.
  
• I would rather shop than eat.
• I don’t hate anyone; I dislike them.
• I’m a pretty good dancer.
• I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
• I have a cell phone.
• I believe in God.
• I watch MTV on a daily basis.
• I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
• I’ve rejected someone before. (eat shit)
  
• I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
• I want to have children in the future.
• I have changed a diaper before. (baby shit smells quite nice actually)
  
• I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
• I’m not allergic to anything.
• I have a lot to learn.
• I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
• I am shy around the opposite sex.
• I have made a move on a friend’s significant past or crush in the past. (please, i don't do second hand)
  
• I own the “South Park” movie.
• I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (dominos does!)
  
• I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
• I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (gawd, he is king!)
  
• Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
• I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
• I have dated a close friend’s ex.
• I am happy at this moment!
• I’m obsessed with guys.
• Democrat.
• I am punk rockish.
• I am preppy.
• I study for tests most of the time. (not if i can avoid it)
  
• I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
• I can work on a car.
• I love my job.
• I am comfortable with who I am now.
• I have more than just my ears pierced.
• I walk barefoot wherever I can.
• I have jumped off a bridge.
• I love sea turtles.
• I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
• I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
• I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
• I worked at MacDonald’s restaurant.
• I hate office jobs.
• I love sci-fi movies.
• I think water rules. (sparkling)
• I went to college out of state.
• I like sausages.
• I love kisses. (sloppy, dry and hershey)
  
• I fall for the wrong people. (used to)
• I adore bright colours.
• I can’t live without black eyeliner. (i look like a racoon)
  
• I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. (actually i do. i want people to know more about me)
• I usually like covers more than originals.
• I can pick up things with my toes.
• I can’t whistle.
• I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
• I have ridden/owned a horse.
• I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
• I can’t stick to a diet.
• I talk in my sleep.
• I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction.
• Climbing trees is a brilliant past time.
• I have jazz in my blood.
• I wear a toe ring.(they are bloody uncomfortable)
  
• I have a tattoo.
• I can’t stand at LEAST one person I work with.(big time)
  
• I am a caffeine junkie.
• I cosplay or know what cosplaying is I have been to over 15 conventions.
• I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
• I’m an artist.
• I only clean my room when necessary.
• I like a person of the same sex. (like you haven't)
  
• I love being happy.
• I am an adrenaline junkie.
• I have ridden an elephant.
• I love chocolates!
• I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons.
• I feel crazy.
• I love tomatoes!!
• I like peanut butter on bananas.(it's the best invention!)
• Been told “You’re on fire!”
• I’m a netballer.(i've played. is that counted?)
  
• I believe in Serendipity.
• I think the word ‘RASPBERRY’ is sexaaay!
• I love to look at people’s teeth.
• I don’t wanna grow up.
• I can cross my eyes n stick out my tongue n still look cute.
• Gaining weight is a wonderful thing.
• I am a PRO…procrastinator.
• I love listening to gossip.

i love this blog for all the comfort it gives me. It's 12.01am right now and I doubt I'll be falling asleep anytime soon. Today was punctuated with listless sleeps and randomness. I found myself waking up at 9.10pm with less energy than before my nap. I sat down at my desk, scribbled some half-hearted explanation on why average variable cost may not necessarily increase before my legs carried me off to the kitchen to scrounge around for some dinner. I really don't bother buying anything nowadays because I don't have my own fridge, so i was lucky to find my expired frankfurters tucked away at the back of the common fridge. I looked at the calorie content and was surprsised to find that one frankfurter was 99kcal. I was hoping it would be less. I told myself beggars can't be choosers so I heated them up in the microwave. I brought them back to my room and ate them while staring at my notes. At that moment, it seemed as though my notes had a life of it's own. It was speaking to me in a language I couldn't understand. That, coupled with the M.S.G in the sausages made me sick.

I started to wonder, where all my drive has gone? Have I exhausted all my motivation and energy on my A's and O'levels? If i fizzle out now and decide not to study anymore, would i be able to get to 2nd year with the knowledge that's swimming somewhere in my head? If it is, would i really want to progress on to second year knowing that I'll be faced with exactly the same stress come exam time? Right now, the only thing that's driving me is the 11,000 pounds a year my parents are paying to put me through university. But somehow, that is no longer enough to keep me going. I'm sorry dad and mom.

I looked out my window just now and all I could see were empty buses and taxis sweeping the road for customers. I wonder who will be out right now. Business men on their way back to their posh empty apartments? drunken men going home to their screaming wives? teenagers drunk with rage because their moms just told them they were a mistake? or maybe there are happy people out on the streets of london right now, but I just choose to paint a dull picture in my head.

I think i'm in this state right now because I just watched fifteen. Fifteen is a goddamn depressing movie. I feel like killing myself after watching it. I've got nothing to say about it because I feel too stupid and ineloquent to give a movie review. Besides, I doubt i understood it anyway.

By now i'm sure you've realised that my mind is in a haze. nothing makes sense and everything seems to call out to me. I feel like i could go on typing forever, stringing clumsy words together to form sentences I'm not even sure I mean.

i don't know how to end this post.

goodnight world.

man, just read one of my friend's blogs and she's got a whole new layout. Her paintings and poetry are all sprawled across the entire webpage. Celene, if you read this, your art is amazing!

Oh how i wish when i looked at squashed tubes of paint, i could see Picasso or Monet. But no, when i look at squashed tubes of paint, i think 'what's the paint doing here?'. I would never ever ever pick up a brush and paint. The mess of colours in my head will never be shaped onto a canvas simply because I have no sense of proportion or imgination. Ask me to draw a man and i'll draw 2 circles and 4 sticks sticking out of the lower circle. Looks like my drawing 'skills' have not progressed much since kindergarden (my kindergarden teacher will be so pleased to know that all my knowledge of art comes from her).

As you probably can tell, i'm procrastinating. I'm blogging and reading blogs so i can put off work for another 5,10 or 20 minutes.

oh yay. another day has ended. I shall not let today's unproductivity overwhelm me lest i go into a state of frenzy. i.must.learn.to.relax.and.chill. Yes, yes. Tomorrow's another day. Another glorious day filled with fun activities. I shall chant that until i actually believe it.

On the list of exciting things to do tomorrow is going to boots to buy toilet rolls, handwash and body soap. oh boy, oh boy, i can't wait.

I'm gonna sleep. I've mapped out my every single move for tomorrow. hmm, the phrase "living for today" just popped into my brain. oh well, don't know what that means. goodnight!

new song list!

sighz..me is missing SingApoRe aLorts Leh. I sit here da whole dae, stardie staRdie StaRdie veri Sianzz one leh. When I got Free time, I Like 2 tiNk abOut HoMe. Dat dae, I was LooKing ThrougH My ComP, Den Came aCroSs mY HoneYmoON PhotoS. AiyOh, My bOi Boi iSh realli veli Cute leh! Na, Let YoU seE.

hehehe, veli cute hor?! He goT SnoWflAke iN His HaiR. I sEe Alreadi heaRt pAin Pain. NehMind, A feW MorE WeEKs Of SuffEring Den I caN Be wiF Him alReadi. hehe.

YaH, aNyWays, I nEveR bLog aBout Moi HonEymOon, so, I shAll Blog abOut it noW. TheRe waS thIs One Day, Boi anD Me WenT tO waTCh soCceR. ARsenAl vs FulHam. Aiyo, I dunCh Like SOcceR LorHz. I dUn KnoE whY He ISh sOOoOOO CraZi abT it. So nVm, I StiLL go AnD KeeP hiM ComPAny. Wah! WheN We Get theRe Horz, So ManY DirTY Men AppRoaCh Us anD Try 2 Sell Us BlaCK mARket TicKEts. So Damn Ex, but Boi Still Buy. i Told you Mah, He iSh CraZi Abt SOccer. Den, We Walk To de StadIUm.

On Our WaY TherE, We sAw The FulHam fOoTball ShoP

BuT We NeveR go In And Buy AnyThiNg.
TheN WaLk waLK waLK, We finaLLy ReaChed. WaH, AfteR aLL That waLKing, I was DaMN HungRY LOrz. GoOt thIng, theRe weRE bUrgeR standS SelLing DamN xiang1 BurgeRs.

Queue DaMn LonG But Bo BiaN.. HunGry Den mUst Queue LOr. sIGhZ.

Den, We weNT Into The StaDium to WatCh thE GAme. Boi Bet 50PoundZ on The gamE. Siao SiaO siaoZ~! I wAnt To sCoLd hIM and hiT hiS ArM, But I SeE Him sHO Excited sO I ConTrol.

SeE, staDiuM VeRi NiCe anD Big Horz? De aRsenAL PlaYErS aRe waRming Up. De WeaTheR was Damn COLd LorZ, I dUNnoe HoW TheY cAn REn3. I WiLL Freeze LorH if I weaR so Little. I wORe daMN AlorT N I waS StiLL coLD. I eveN WorE the aRsenAl cAp bOi bOught 4 mE.

Ehzz...But I think HOrZ, wEaRing a cAp noRT such A goOt idEa, It made my HaIR veRI flat LoRz. Sighz.

Ehzz...Can U See In Dis Pix my haIR is flat flat One? VeRi nan3 Kan4 HoR?

But nevErmInd, EveN ThoUgh My haIR FlaT, I sTiLL enJoYed MyseLf cOS diS iSh de firSt Time I watCh soCceR. wah, VeRi exCiting Leh. EveN thE sun WAs ShinINg VeRI bRite!

PreTTi Hor?

aNYwAeZ, dUN wAN 2 bLOG ABouT hONeYMoOn aNYMOrE LAH. i WaNna gO zzZzzzZzz LiaOz. But fIRsT, I goT MorE pHOtos.




oKieZ, goOtNighT, SleeP TighT! DunCH leT de Bed Bugs bIte.

if u guys want to read a cheerful blog, then read no further. You're not going to get any joy out of reading this blog. But then again, you might. You know the saying, 'misery loves company'. maybe my misery is giving people out there pleasure. good for you, at least something gives you happiness. I on the other hand, am feeling down again.

in the past 8 hours, i have

• contemplated dropping out of university and throwing myself at the mercy of national geographic,
  
• ate a full bowl of japanese curry and rice even though i didn't want it.
• went to the kitchen, searched high and low for my apples but to no avail
• cursed and sweared at the people who ate my apples
• found my almost empty bottle of jam which I had barely touched.
• cursed and sweared at the people who ate my jam
• after expanding much energy on cursing, i realise, that it wasn't even my kitchen. Then i realised, it wasn't even my floor. oh, how silly of me.
  
• so i went back to my kitchen, dug out my apples and ate them.

how i wish this was the only thing that happened today. But no, i realise that the person who is supposed to care about me, doesn't. or rather, he does, provided he isn't playing mahjong, or hanging out with friends. It feels weird thinking that you are untouchable and then realising that you actually take a back seat to stupid things like mahjong and friends. for those of you who don't know what mahjong is, it's a card game where the cards are tiles. sometimes, the tiles are made of ivory (yes, how cruel. mahjong is a cruel game.) you mix them around on the table, and when they hit each other, they make the most annoying sound. I do not want to bore you with the details of this boring game. It may be boring to me but, somewhere along the line, it's become more important than me. tragic isn't it?

I'm suprised that even when i texted him and told him i was having a nervous breakdown, my phone remained silent. it's been silent the whole day, and silent it shall remain. Is messaging me back half hearted text messages the best you can do to show me you care? if it is, that's pathetic. an unconcious retard who just went under extensive brain surgery could probably do better than those silly texts you sent me.

Thank God i went jogging this evening. If not for the endorphines flowing through my body, i'd probably be all puffy eyed and sniffling into a soggy, mucus filled tissue. shudder.

when the drinks run out and friends leave, i'm pretty sure my phone will start ringing and love will come pouring in. But till then, do i just wait? Or maybe i should salvage whatever dignity i have left and find happiness somewhere else.

i think this blog needs a little cheering up. Right now, the only thing that gets me through endless days of studying is fantasising about my summer. I really can't wait. I have grand plans to travel, cruise around with the boyfriend, go on a beach holiday (maybe get my hair braided at the beach), go rollerblading at east coast park, have picnics, barbeques.....! the list goes on and on. I know by the time summer gets here, i probably won't feel like doing half of what i set out to do, but the thought of it now gets my heart racing.

I'm making up a list of places to visit.
tentative places to visit with friends: rome, venice, belgium, prague
tentative places to visit with marcus & co.: thailand, malaysia tour, maldives(?)

never felt insecure till i met you
i used to be so cute to me.

ah, whatever.

Just had some mouldy bread for lunch. I'm gonna head back down to the basement to do work and I won't come out till I'm done.

Yes, life is looking very bleak.
I'm sad. In the words of michelle's sister, you give me an excuse to cry.

my heart feels so light right now. after so many monotonous days of studying, I've finally broken the cycle by having a nice long conversation with amy. Ahhh, do u know i love amy? i love love love love love amy!!! we're so good together. i felt so happy after that that everything seemed a little brighter. Plus, bankside dinner was good tonight. Creamy chicken and ribbon pasta...mmmm:) plus, the lunch lady threw in 2 FREE cranberry&white chocolate cookies. Jiaying was hilarious today....i was hooting with laughter throughout dinner. Or was it cos i was happy to begin with? whatever la, i'm so happy right now! ok, i think i've reached my quota for the number of times i've used the word 'happy'. I shall make my exit now. toodles!

There's nothing much to blog about when every waking moment is spent slouched over books. Thankfully, today wasn't one of them. Started off so, then it went downhill, then very downhill, then it slowly climbed back up.

when i was studying, i couldn't help but notice that the tummy hang over my jeans has reached an all time high. I can't let this go on. Detox here I come!