if u guys want to read a cheerful blog, then read no further. You're not going to get any joy out of reading this blog. But then again, you might. You know the saying, 'misery loves company'. maybe my misery is giving people out there pleasure. good for you, at least something gives you happiness. I on the other hand, am feeling down again.

in the past 8 hours, i have

• contemplated dropping out of university and throwing myself at the mercy of national geographic,
  
• ate a full bowl of japanese curry and rice even though i didn't want it.
• went to the kitchen, searched high and low for my apples but to no avail
• cursed and sweared at the people who ate my apples
• found my almost empty bottle of jam which I had barely touched.
• cursed and sweared at the people who ate my jam
• after expanding much energy on cursing, i realise, that it wasn't even my kitchen. Then i realised, it wasn't even my floor. oh, how silly of me.
  
• so i went back to my kitchen, dug out my apples and ate them.

how i wish this was the only thing that happened today. But no, i realise that the person who is supposed to care about me, doesn't. or rather, he does, provided he isn't playing mahjong, or hanging out with friends. It feels weird thinking that you are untouchable and then realising that you actually take a back seat to stupid things like mahjong and friends. for those of you who don't know what mahjong is, it's a card game where the cards are tiles. sometimes, the tiles are made of ivory (yes, how cruel. mahjong is a cruel game.) you mix them around on the table, and when they hit each other, they make the most annoying sound. I do not want to bore you with the details of this boring game. It may be boring to me but, somewhere along the line, it's become more important than me. tragic isn't it?

I'm suprised that even when i texted him and told him i was having a nervous breakdown, my phone remained silent. it's been silent the whole day, and silent it shall remain. Is messaging me back half hearted text messages the best you can do to show me you care? if it is, that's pathetic. an unconcious retard who just went under extensive brain surgery could probably do better than those silly texts you sent me.

Thank God i went jogging this evening. If not for the endorphines flowing through my body, i'd probably be all puffy eyed and sniffling into a soggy, mucus filled tissue. shudder.

when the drinks run out and friends leave, i'm pretty sure my phone will start ringing and love will come pouring in. But till then, do i just wait? Or maybe i should salvage whatever dignity i have left and find happiness somewhere else.