love lost

i take back whatever i said in my last entry.

I love him like a drug. He makes me happy. Without him, nothing i do ever seems right. Even though this seems like an exaggeration, i swear it is true. I was just lookig around my room and things that used to make me happy didn't. And I realised it's because i didn't have him to share my happiness with.

When i was with him, small things used to make me so happy until they took precedence over him. Now that he's gone, i realise that i didn't need anything to make me happy except him.

I've been the one at fault all along. I had no right to blame him for anything or accuse him of anything. If i look back on this relationship, i have no one to blame but myself. If only you guys could see how happy he tried to make me. How my happiness was the only thing that mattered to him...you would know how stupid I am for letting him go.

I guess it is true then. I am a fucking selfish bitch. It's just sad to know that i had to loose so much before i could realise the truth. I am not worthy of love.

does anyone out there understand how I feel?